CHRISTIAN FORMATION

BOOMERANG THROWERS WANTED OR HOW TO EXPAND CFM
By Bob & Irene Tomonto
Miami, FL, USA

boomerang, n, [native Australian name] A bent or curved piece of hard wood used as a missile by the native Australians, which can be thrown as to return to the thrower.

Over the years, we tried every possible way to expand CFM. We even wrote a booklet for the National Board called "Share the Good News..." which was used as the national expansion plan for many years. All of this was met with mixed results. Finally after many years of service to CFM we retired to devote ourselves to ministry to families on the parish level.

Shortly after that we were invited by Bishop Agustin A. Roman of Miami to develop a program to bring young married couples back to the church after the wedding. After a number of false starts, we developed the COVENANT EXPERIENCE, as a parish based, low-cost, marriage enrichment program. While we initially targeted the program for newly married couples we found that couples of all ages profited equally from the program. We found that couples improved their marriages and their commitment to the Lord who is the third person in each marriage. Couples began to be "turned on" to parish activities and to each other. What we did not expect was that at the end of the four follow-up meetings couples wanted to continue in the small group meetings. OF COURSE THE ANSWER WAS THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY MOVEMENT.

We have found that one of more new CFM groups were formed at the end of each COVENANT EXPERIENCE weekend. Moreover, the couples in these groups continued in CFM and social action longer than couples recruited by other means.

We found that by concentrating on ministry to married couples rather than expansion of CFM we actually performed a valid ministry to many couples and in the process also started more CFM groups than before. We found that by throwing away organizational goals and concentrating on ministry the results came back in the form of requests for something more. That is why we are looking for boomerang throwers.

People are not turned-on by a request to join an organization. They are interested in improving their marriage and if that process produces results then they want to continue with it. People are too busy today to join just another organization. They want to satisfy more basic needs of intimacy, companionship and finding friends in the Lord and in the community.

Soon our friends were asking how the COVENANT EXPERIENCE could be used in the Spanish speaking part of our community. The participant materials were translated into Spanish and the program has been highly successful in our multicultural city.

For more information on how the COVENANT EXPERIENCE can help you minister to married couples and expand CFM see our website at:

www.TheCovenantExperience.com

then go out and throw your own boomerangs.

THE SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA ORIGINAL MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER
By Pat and Debbie Walsh
USA

On the weekend of August 23rd, 24th and 25th, we, Pat and Debbie Walsh, experienced the Original Marriage Encounter. Years ago, we had experienced a Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend. We found that the two were quite different. The Worldwide Marriage Encounter mainly directed us to focus on our feelings and the importance of dialogue. At the time we had not been aware that the Worldwide Marriage Encounter had shifted the focus of the original vision; but we both did feel that something was missing- that there had to be something superceding feelings and dialogue in importance. Learning about, and then experiencing, the Original Marriage Encounter helped us to clearly understand that we are individuals, but also a couple joined by God with a mission to mirror His Image by living out His Plan for marriage, which is UNITY. It was not a retreat, nor group therapy, and definitely not promoted as a separate Movement in itself. However, the enthusiasm and willingness to reach out to other couples was quite evident among the participants, and that desire is unquestionably gaining in momentum . Plans are already under way for a second Southern Calfornia Original Marriage Encounter experience in the near future.

THE ORIGINAL MARRIAGE ENCOUNTER, THE HOLY SPRIT AND REVOLVING DOORS
By Gerry and Elizabeth Haugen
Tokyo, Japan

My feeling about going for help about our marriage was always negative. All Gerry and I needed to do was to work at it, talk about it, and we could fix it. After all, weren't we in love and the best of friends? Of course, the hardest part of this strategy was that, like writer's block, it was very difficult to get started at working out the problems that bothered us and so we pushed them away and behind us, or to one side, trying to ignore them with the hope that they would go away... and so our little problems grew, multiplied and always hovered in the background, causing a nagging and nippy unhappiness that was never enough to cause an argument, but just enough to start dulling the emotion and love we first had for each other. And so it continued, slowly bleeding our love to death, until one day a call came from a priest friend in Japan. He called and asked me to help with arrangements for a Marriage Encounter being arranged by a Japanese couple here in San Diego. Because their English language skills were not good they needed help with making the necessary arrangements for the retreat. It was not possible to refuse such a simple request from an old friend and so I said yes. My idea was to simply help with the retreat arrangement translations, maybe a short afternoon sojourn to the retreat center, do my thing, and then slip quietly out the side door and I was gone, finished, completed with my obligation to my old friend.. But it didnÕt end with that afternoon. The details continued to need my attention. The more I tried to escape, the more I was sucked into the fray of details and particulars regarding the cost of rooms, with and without breakfast, cost of coming for the day but return to their home at night, the deposit and where and how the final billing will be handled. This continued until the day of the retreat, when the final straw was added to the back of the camel. As my husband and I walked into the room, the banner boldly exclaimed "Welcome to the Original Marriage Encounter Weekend: from your hosts, Gerry and Elizabeth". A little numb, I sat down for the first evening's talks and presentations, and before I could even think we were being enveloped in a warm comfortable blanket of words from Fr. Donnon. He carefully explained that it will not be necessary for us to "spill our guts out" in the next three days. We would be expected only to listen to others talk, and then to do some serious sharing about ourselves to our other half, but this would be done in the privacy of our room or out on the grounds alone as a couple. The next day came and with the continued guidance of Fr. Donnon's encouraging words, we were given the first set of tools to work with that will help us to share our real feeling and way of thinking with our mates. More simple steps followed and they were punctuated with a Mass just before our midday meal. The central theme of this Mass was reconciliation and it set the stage for other steps that would come later. The evening was celebrated with a simple setting of bread and wine, followed by prayers for healing. The final day was more working on our communication skills, another Mass, and then almost too soon, the end. During the closing period, last Friday-nigh's burly and stoic husbands, commented (a few with teary eyes) on how they had turn up well knowing that they would come away with nothing, but tonight they were filled with spiritual substance and were humbled by the mixture of the Catholic faith, Christian sharing and the realistic, simple steps to improve their marriage lives. They were able to say much better than I what I felt and experienced during the three days with Fr. Donnan's gentle words and acts of love. How glad I was that the side door I tried slipping out of on the first day, was in fact a revolving door that held on to me and did not let me go until it was time for me to go.

MFC-CFM TOWARDS SPIRITUALITY DEVELOPMENT
by Joe and Charito Hilario
Philippines

ICCFM Past Presidents Jose & Margarita Pich informed us of the good news about CFM-MFC which we quote as follows:

"In the CFM/MFC there is some good news to comment, that there is a return to Spirituality. The new SPLA Presidents, William and Esilda Cheng, have emphasized this direction and also only recently the Chaplain for CFM USA, Fr. Don Conroy has also signaled it as a priority in the style of Msgr. Hilldebrand, founder of USA CFM together with Pat & Patty Crowley."

To us, this is music to our ears. However, this calls for a review of how CFM implements this thrust, particularly, in Unit Meetings where CFMers are supposed to receive their spiritual formation. From the above statement of Jose & Margarita, it seems the original intention of the founders was really the development of Spirituality. After all these years, we may have strayed. We have to find out how we have been faithful to this original design.

From our own experience during our early years in the Movement (1967), the thrust then was already social action, hence, we called our meeting guidebooks "Inquiry Program." We later found out that social action should evolve from one's formation or Spirituality -- balance of loving God and loving one's neighbor. Otherwise, we all get burned-out for lack of Spirituality.

In our review, we should look into the study of how Jesus thinks, feel and acts in life situations of today. In other words, we model ourselves from Jesus, how He grew from man to a perfect man, that we may grow in the CFM formation from man to more of a man, the real person. (Be perfect as the Father is perfect.)

This calls for studying how the Twelve Apostles followed Jesus as their model of a disciple or how Jesus taught them to follow Him in His development. Essentially, the Unit Meeting is a venue where this study is to be made and to go home to become witnesses of the learnings in the Unit Meetings. When the CFMers are at home, we should be conscious of these learnings and support each other to achieve this in between meetings at home and during the meetings through dialogue (between spouses, or "buddies" for singles).

Through this approach that the MFC-CFM is pursuing, the vision/mission of MFC-CFM will be that of the Church. MFC-CFM becomes integrated with the Church. In our parish and in our District (Diocese), we are also slowly pursuing this direction.

Hope we can have an exchange of plans and programs with MFC-CFM in pursuing the development of Spirituality in CFM.

HOLISTIC PLAN
by Joe and Charito Hilario
Philippines

Dear Friends,
We are participating in process of making work plans for our Diocese, Parishes, even Ministries or movements. Whatever is our concern, what we intend to accomplish is that we "make beautiful music together." Let us first review how this is done. There are basic elements needed:

1. We need to agree on what to play. We have to name the piece.
2. We need a musical arrangement to know how that musical piece will be played by each musician - when each one will come in and contribute.
3. Each one must have a mental recall how the music will sound.
4. Each one must master how to play his/her instrument.
5. The whole ensemble must learn to play together the musical piece.

In the business world, the above elements are called "disciplines" and labeled as:

1. Shared Vision
2. Systems Thinking
3. Mental Model
4. Personal Mastery
5. Team Learning

This is proposed in the book "The Fifth Discipline - The Art & Practice of The Learning Organization" by Peter M. Senge. Mr. Senge mentioned that IBM, GM, P&G had to learn the above lessons the hard way when they found themselves overcome by competition. It was not until they started applying these disciplines in their work plan that they have recovered. Companies like Shell, who earlier implemented these disciplines, are still on top of their field. Do these disciplines apply to the Church? After studying them carefully, I happily discovered that Jesus and His disciples applied them in their mission. They were the "originals".

1. Shared Vision - The vision of Jesus taught by Jesus to His disciples and summarized in the Road to Emmaus was used by the early Christians. See Luke 24:13-35 and Acts 2:42. The disciples shared or owned the vision of Christ.
2. Systems Thinking - This is the concept of the Body of Christ described by Paul from the concept of Vine and Flock by Jesus as the Leader.
3. Mental Model - Of course, the model is Jesus Himself when He invited the disciples to come and see. The disciples wrote their experiences with Jesus in what we call the New Testament.
4. Personal Mastery - Jesus walked with His disciples that they may learn from Him to have faith in Him and the Father, that each one to become "fishers of men" following Jesus.
5. Team Learning - The disciples were sent in twos or in teams to get first hand or on-the-job training on how to do the mission. They did a lot of dialogue, and feedback. They were a learning community. I believe that we should do no less.

May we work together in putting the above into practice in our Diocese, Parishes, even Family & Life Ministry or CFM?